Real Men of Genius
by Asura Mori
Summary: Yes, we ARE making fun of those songs, just like everybody else, only it's Resident Evil style. Muhahahahaha. Rated T... for randomness... though that doesn't start with T, now does it? Hehehe
1. Leon Scott Kennedy

Leon Scott Kennedy

(LOL)

Budweiser presents "Real Men of Genius."

(Real Men of Genius)

Today, we salute you, Mr. "Loyal Protector of Stupid Girls."

(Mr. "Loyal Protector of Stupid Girls.)

You're the only real man here who knows how to take a knife down your throat.

(Krauser's waiting on the other side of the door!)

Those fag jokes about you and Krauser don't mean a thing at all.

(Does Ada know about that other night?)

And so, we salute you, Leon Kennedy. You go, boyfriend.

(Mr. "Loyal Protector of Stupid Girls.")

FIN!!!!!!

Asura: Yeah… we know we're special. But we can't help it. Just look at who our parents are!

Shiro: A smart idiot who's a comedian and a blonde tramp. Yeah, that's where we get our issues from.

Asura: Now, now. It's nice to call mom a tramp. You could at least say slut. It's nicer.

Shiro: Oh, sorry. And a blonde slut. There, happy?

Asura: Quite. Anyway, reviewers, we plan on continuing this with other MALE Resident Evil characters, such as Chris and Wesker. If you want any specific characters, name them and we'll TRY and make it work. Okay?

Shiro: … maybe. _Grins evilly_


	2. Chris Redfield

Chris Redfield

(ROTFL)

Budweiser presents "Real Men of Genius".

(Real Men of Genius)

Today, we salute you, Mr. "Always Getting Stalked by Previously Dead Guys."

(Mr. "Always Getting Stalked by Previously Dead Guys.")

Your inclination to carry a shotgun everywhere doesn't stem from paranoia.

(OMG was that the sound of maniacal laughter?!)

Wearing two layers of shirts? That's not because you're afraid of getting raped.

(Is it a form of necrophilia even though it's not you with the obsession?)

And so, we salute you, Mr. "Always Getting Stalked by Previously Dead Guys." So tonight, sweet dreams in that facility… (Maybe)

(Mr. "Always Getting Stalked by Previously Dead Guys.")

FIN!!!!!!

Shiro: Hmm…took a while to update this. Sometimes it's hard to find your inner rainbow…Wait… -.0

Asura: …It's okay. (Fag.)

Shiro: You know I meant special-ness when I said rainbow. -_-

Asura: Sure, sure. I believe you. xp (Special-ness?)

Shiro: SO?! IT'S NOT A WORD! YOU GONNA SUE ME FOR IT?! (Rawr!)

Lawyer: Ahem, Shiro?

Shiro: _sweat drop_

Asura: Anyways, like we said before, reviewers can recommend MALE Resident Evil characters. Just don't be too disappointed if we can't make it work.

Shiro: Yes, and we'll try and fix it with heart cookies. _offers one to Asura_

Asura: Yays…^0^


	3. Albert Wesker

Albert Wesker

(… pfft)

Budweiser presents "Real Men of Genius."

(Real Men of Genius)

Today, we salute you, Mr. "Magical Reappearing Bio-Weapon of Doom!"

(Doom, I tell you! Doo- _*smack* _…Sorry. Mr. "Magical Reappearing Bio-Weapon of Doom.")

That bad guy act you pull doesn't fool anyone…except for Mr. Snuggly Bear.

(Except he's not the _only _one who's under the covers, now is he?)

Those pictures you keep of Chris? They don't mean a thing. You're just reminding yourself why you hate him so much.

(Wait, was that Chris naked in the shower room? 0.o Dude, that was back in college!)

And so we salute you, Mr. "Magical Reappearing Bio-Weapon of Doom." Even if Chris were to up and kick the bucket, there's always cryogenics.

(Mr. "Magical Reappearing Bio-Weapon of Doom.")

FIN!!!!!!!!

Shiro: These just keep getting specialer and specialer by the minute.

Asura: … "Specialer" is not a word. _Points at dictionary_

Shiro: … shush mortal.

Asura: Make me.

And thus the war of the authors began… in this series… and ended in five minutes after finding hot chocolate.

Shiro: … what were we fighting about again…?

Asura: … your mom.

Shiro: Your rainbow.

Asura: Oh, yay. _Wearing a shirt that says, "We are everywhere"_

A/N: 'kay, we're basically doing a poll. AND we need you to specify when you say "Dead S.T.A.R. Members", because there were a lot of them.

Anyway, vote per reviews and we'll see what we can do. Reminder: ONLY GUYS for now. We're not sexist, we're girls, and we may or may not do girls later. Besides, it's easier to make fun of guys when you're a girl. XD


	4. Dead STARS Members

Dead S.T.A.R.S. Members

(… What else is there to say?)

Budweiser presents "Real Men of Genius."

(Real Men of Genius)

Today, we salute you, "People Not Important Enough to Stay Alive."

("People Not Important Enough to Stay Alive.")

Your deaths weren't planned, not at all. They were just needed to keep the storyline going… though they were all pretty violent…

(Sucks to be you in that situation.)

All the help you provided for the main characters? Didn't really mean anything.

(You all were pretty good scapegoats though, thus the "Thank You" card you all received in death.)

And so we salute you, "People Not Important Enough to Stay Alive." You made the game interesting… even if you really didn't do anything.

("People Not Important Enough to Stay Alive.")

FIN!!!!!

Asura: Dude… do you know how hard it is to make fun of dead people?

Shiro: Not easy at all. It's kinda like dancing on their graves… Creepy feeling.

Asura: Glad that's over and done with then. :D

Shiro: Yep, over and done with…

Both: (turn to see angry S.T.A.R.S. zombies behind them)

Asura: … (whispers to Shiro) Um… I kinda left my shotgun at home…

Shiro: … same here…

Both: (look at each other) RUN!!!!!!!!

A/N: Man, glad that chapter's over with. Like the little parody at the end, we really didn't know how to proceed with this chapter. It kinda sucks to make fun of dead people, but this is what you guys wanted, so we did it.

Anyway, vote on the next guy to make fun of. We'll be waiting. :D Review please! Or else… we may have to discontinue this series. 0_o THE HORROR!!!!!!!!


	5. Barry Burton

Barry Burton

(… Muhahahahaha)

Budweiser presents "Real Men of Genius."

(Real Men of Genius.)

Today, we salute you, "Mr. Gonna Betray You In the End."

("Mr. Gonna Betray You In the End.")

We know you didn't want to betray everybody, that Wesker was holding your family hostage…

(Don't look now, but there's a zombie behind you… holding your next check.)

Throwing Jill in that cell? We all know it's because Wesker told you to do so.

(The fact that everybody forgot about you at the end of the game…? Well, just grin and bear it. You'll get through it.)

And so we salute you, "Mr. Gonna Betray You In the End…" Though we must wonder how you can run so fast… DOUGHNUT!

("Mr. Gonna Betray You In the End.")

FIN!

Asura: (looks at Shiro, who is now Tyrann) It's not nice to make fun of fat people.

Tyrann: He's not fat. He's… hefty!

Asura and Tyrann: HEFTY HEFTY HEFTY!

Asura: … let's never talk about this again, okay?

Tyrann: M'kay. (looks over to see her dad walking up the stairs) … HEFTY HEFTY HEFTY!

Asura: (smacks her) You never learn, do you?


	6. Alfred Ashford

Alfred Ashford

(… HA!)

Budweiser presents "Real Men of Genius."

(Real Men of Genius.)

Today we salute you, "Mr. Whiney Cross-dresser."

("Mr. Whiney Cross-dresser.")

Your family losing their name and the 'loss' of your sister must have been a real blow…

(Been to JC Penny recently, have you?)

The fact that you took to wearing dresses and wigs, to look like your sister? Doesn't mean you can't be a man.

(Did you learn that from daddy too?)

And so we salute you, "Mr. Whiney Cross-dresser." Go on with your bad self, girlfriend.

("Mr. Whiney Cross-dresser.")

FIN!

Asura: You know… I actually have nothing against cross-dressers…

Tyrann: Yeah, neither do I. It's just that Alfred is so…

Asura: (grins) Whiney?

Tyrann: … Muah-muhahahahahaha.

Asura: (shudders) That laugh creeps me out to this day…

Tyrann: Which is why I take such joy in doing it. :D


	7. Carlos Oliviera

Carlos Oliviera

(LMAO)

Budweiser presents "Real Men of Genius."

(Real Men of Genius.)

Today we salute you, "Mr. Sexy Hispanic/Native American."

("Mr. Sexy Hispanic/Native American")

Losing your partner in such a gruesome way must have been really tough...

(Who are you going to play late night games of "make believe" with now?)

Just because you're a minority doesn't mean they're gonna kill you off...

(One last cigarette in a car surrounded by zombies doesn't sound like such a bad idea now that you know that, huh?)

And so we salute you, "Mr. Sexy Hispanic/Native American." Guess they cared for you more in the game than they did in the movies...

("Mr. Sexy Hispanic/Native American.")

FIN!

Asura: We haven't done one of those in such a long time...

Tyrann: Yeah... makes you feel all...

Asura: Warm and tingly inside?

Tyrann: … I was gonna say gasy...

Asura: … That's disgusting... -_-

Tyrann: …

Asura: …

Tyrann: Anywho... (runs)

Asura: … Eh...? (sniffs air) YOU SUCK!


	8. Billy Coen

Billy Coen

(... hehe)

Budweiser presents "Real Men of Genius."

(Real Men of Genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. "Former Second Lietuenant of the Marines."

(Mr. "Former Second Lietuenant of the Marines.")

We all know you were set-up and didn't actually kill those 23 or so people...

(Really sucks for you in that situation, seeing as they sentenced you to death and all)

Meeting Rebeca in that train later, real heart stopper eh?

(Too bad leeches got in the way of your ONLY romantic encounter, so to speak)

And so we salute you, Billy Coen. You really know how to turn tail and run and leave a girl to fight by herself.

(Mr. "Former Second Lietuenant of the Marines.")

FIN!

Asura: So... I'm basically alone now... Tyrann has gone on and left me... Meaning to say, we're doing our separate things now. Oh wells...

Well, as an update, I'm going to give a list of the Dead S.T.A.R.S. members, so that you all know who we've covered in the RE series with just that one chapter. Mkay?

Richard Aiken (Bravo) – had 3 possible deaths. (1) You take too long looking for the Antivenom, he dies from Yawn's (giant ass snake) venom. (2) Chris gives him the serum in time, but then Richard gets eaten by a Neptune (mutated great white sharks). Or (3), Jill saves him and he sacrifices himself to Yawn to save her.

Brad Vickers (Alpha) – Nicknamed "Chickenheart," he was one of the few to survive the mansion incident, only to be killed by Nemesis later in the game series. Also, rekilled by Claire Redfield after he revives as a zombie. Poor bastard. :3

Edward Dewey (Bravo) – He was attacked by at least two Cerberus' but fled, mortally wounded. He later died (bled out, I suppose?) on the Ecliptic Express after telling Rebecca that there were "zombies and monsters" in the forest.

Joseph Frost (Alpha) – Mauled to death by a bunch of Cerberus'. (JOSEEEEEEEEPH! I can still hear his voice on the wind... Love you LegendaryFrog!)

Enrico Marini (Bravo) – Shot by Albert Wesker. Chris finds him alive and accidentally distracts him from the real threat (Wesker).

Forest Speyer (Bravo) – attacked and pecked to death by crows on the second floor East Balcony.

Kenneth Sullivan (Bravo) – attacked by a zombie in the Dining Hall, but he escaped and fled down into the corridor. However, when he turned to fight the zombie, he failed to shoot it down. Om nom nom Kenneth. :(

Albert Wesker (Alpha) – Technically listed as dead, but hey, he came back. Killed by the Tyrant he loosed upon Chris and Jill. Hahaha. :p

Asura: And I think that's it... Thanks for keeping up with RMOG! Enjoy. And don't worry, I will keep up with the chapters, though Tyrann is gone. :3


	9. William Birkin

William Birkin

(kukuku)

Budweiser presents "Real Men of Genius."

(Real Men of Genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. "Mad Incest-type Scientist."

(Mr. "Mad Incest-type Scientist.")

Your research into the G-Virus was a real head turner.

(Too bad Umbrella didn't wanna play nice and tried to kill you off with their special forces)

We all know you were just chasing after your daughter because that's what B.O.W.'s do...

(How'd you explain that one to your wife?)

And so, we salute you, William Birkin. You really know how to piss a guy off after failing to kill him.

(Mr. "Mad Incest-type Scientist.")

FIN!

Asura: That... was difficult. Trying to imbed facts into the parody, while also making fun of it is really hard work. Plus, it's really hard to make fun of certain characters. Like the Dead S.T.A.R.S. members... that was hard. But, I have succeeded once again. :3 Sorry Birkin. It was too hard to pass up the chance to poke fun at your insistent chasing of your daughter, Sherry. Muhahahaha.

With that said, I was looking at all the possible "well-known" characters and seeing how many chapters we have to go... We're looking at, right now, 25 guys. That's 25 chapters of endless hilarity. :3 And the last is quite the interesting one. But I won't spoil it for you all. So, have fun and enjoy. Read and review please!


End file.
